Oops, sorry, you came to the wrong place! This is the Internet; we know nothing about weird sexual fetishes here. Nope, in fact, there’s almost no porn on the Internet. Shame on you for Googling!

Not buying it, huh? Well, we’ll try very hard then to dig up the most arcane sexual attractions the Internet has to offer. We warn you ahead of time – not only will some of these get unsettling, but they’re likely to be so far off the erotic beaten path that they come back to being more scientific fascination rather than titillation.

Omorashi

To start out, this is a Japanese hentai term for girls who really need to pee so bad that they wet their panties. However, the whole subculture has bloomed out to real-life videos of women in states of bladder desperation – launching a whole website like Bound2Burst.com. These days, “desperation play,” “bladder torture,” or “micromanagement” (for Dominants controlling their submissive’s potty privileges) are the more common names for it. It’s a fetish perpetually on the edge; even mainstream porn sites are shy about hosting this, even though they’ll do things ten times more “extreme” by another definition.

Explanation: A full bladder presses on the inside against – depending on male or female – the G-spot or the prostate. Peeing is still seen as a “taboo” and intimate topic; messing with a person’s potty-training is one of the most primal ways to dominate their core psyche. And holding in urine is good exercise for the Kegel muscles anyway.

Vacuum Bed

A more recent fetish which has come about thanks to newer technology, this is a bondage / sadomasochist affair where the subject lies in a specially made bed with a plastic seal over them, then all of the air is vacuumed out, leaving them plastered inside an airless plastic coffin. Practiced operators make sure to release the plastic before the oxygen deprivation kills the subject.

Explanation: This is pure fear-junkie adrenalin and endorphins rush! You have multiple phobias here – claustrophobic for being confined, plus the natural body response of panic when deprived of our basic element of life for a few seconds. Choking is a related fetish, far more popular because cutting off oxygen flow to the brain for a few seconds adds a head rush to orgasm.

Autonepiophilia

Also called by its more common name, “adult baby play.” This is a new and common class of fetishes involving adults playing at being infants, including diaper play, “mommy and daddy” scenes, and so on. Adults are given full-grown versions of everything from cribs and bottles to high chairs and onesies, and then coddled and pampered by caretakers. The community around this goes by the common acronym of “ABDL,” for “Adult Baby / Diaper Lovers.” It’s a lucrative lifestyle for select dominants.

Explanation: Psychologically, there is no time in our lives when we feel safer and more nurtured than when we’re babies. By literally going back to their most Freudian early memories, adult babies players can work out their childhood issues. Connecting with those infant impulses is just how some people roll. And come on, who among us has not had a hard day at work where coming home to be coddled and cared for wouldn’t be a refreshing recovery? There’s also a nice psychological disclaimer in it for a bonus: Babies are innocent and blameless, so their expression of sexuality is free of any possibility of being “sinful.”

Nyotaimori

This is the Japanese word for “eating sushi off a naked woman.” The model, frequently a porn actress, lies down on a table and is set with sushi, for diners to eat off with chopsticks. It’s more “erotic foreplay” than an actual fetish activity.

Explanation: Meh, this doesn’t seem that exotic if you consider that just about every partner has gotten busy with some whipped cream in the bedroom whenever they have some on hand. It’s just culturally distinct with a different food. This practice got popular from Japanese criminal underworld gangs, the Yakuza, having this for an event at upscale parties.

Salirophilia

Arousal from dirty things – people in the mud, naked wrestlers in tubs of pudding, women splattered with cake frosting, and all kinds of other messy scenarios. Pretty common, easy enough to gratify, and harmless enough most people could consider it mainstream.

Explanation: Sex is “dirty,” so why not make it dirtier? For a generation shielded from the world in a cocoon of antibacterial hand sanitizer, getting muddy is just one more rebellious taboo. And let’s face it, there are several porn stars out there that look even hotter when they’re splattered with paint, frosting, grease, or other gooey stuff. Getting dirty implies a connection to a more primal, wilder side of humanity; we have four million years of evolution behind us where our ancestors did it in the dirt all the time. Who are we to question?